Dazed and Contused

2003-07-22T00:12:00.000+10:00

Kinlay House Internet Connection Fails Blogger

Ah bugger - looks like my last post failed to update properly from the hostel in Cork I was staying at. Most unfortunate! These things happen I guess - and I'll write another post about my Irish adventures soon.

2003-07-09T03:57:00.000+10:00

Garth Invades the UK and Ireland

Week One of Garth's World Tour 2003 has been completed. After surviving the 10 hour flight, 8 hour stopover, 11 hour flight mayhem that was my flight from Sydney to London (via a transit hotel in Seoul) I have:

Visited my Uncle and his family

Caught the tube approximately 12 times, a black cab once, and a minicab once

Visited the British Museum, Trafalgar Square, 10 Downing Street, Tate Modern Museum, London Eye, the Tower, various bridges across the Thames, the Lmb and Flag pub in Covent Garden, the Engineer pub in Camden, and Westminster Abbey in four days

Watched Tim Henman win through, then lose, in the Wimbledon Quaterfinals (on TV only, of course)

Flown to Dublin from London, meeting up with my ex-girlfriend, and other Irish friends

Been to the following Irish pubs/bars in Dublin: the Temple Bar, the Hairy Lemon (where we were too late to get in, despite my ex-girlfriend arguing for 10 minutes with the bounce) and the Break to the Border

Caught a stomach bug, then tonsilitis

Walked through Dublin, noting how close it is to my ex's flat

Caught a bus through Dublin

Driven a car through Dublin, to Kilkenny, to Thurles, to Cork, despite not having driven for over 2 years

Visited in Ireland: Kilkenny, Kilkenny Castle, the Kilkenny Cathedral, the Rock of Cashel, my ex's sister's house, Thurles and Cork

So! I've been busy well and truly. My ex and I are into our third day of our driving trip around Ireland. I was pretty sick in Dublin (stupid tonsils), so didn't do as much as I had hoped to do, but will have time there later. Killkenny was lovely - very pretty. Killkenny castle was very impressive as well.

The ex's sister and her husband were great. Stayed with them yesterday in Thurles, which is in County Tipperary, before visiting the Rock of Cashel - this old stone fortress on a hill in Tipperary. Really impressive.

We then drove onto Cork (in County Cork), which is the second biggest city in Ireland (behind Dublin). Tomorrow we'll drive onto the Irish coast, and into West coasy.

We might be able to watch a big hurling match in Galway on Sunday with the ex's sister and husband - Tipperary play Galway in a final (I think) - so that would be cool. Hurling is this psycho Irish game played wielding sticks, and hitting about this hard white ball. Say no more.

OK, better go. Hope to write some more if I get around to it.

2003-06-22T22:35:00.000+10:00

Not Lo-Fidelity

One thing I really enjoy doing on Sunday evenings is kicking back and watching a movie on TV. Weeks when there are only movies which I would rather gouge out my eyes than watch are tough. But this week we have High Fidelity. This is probably John Cusack's best role ever, not to mention some great turns from Tim Robbins as the slimy ex-neighbour, and Joan Cusack reprising her real life role as John's brother.

Come to think of it, the first time I saw this movie must have been when I was flying to the US for work a few years back. Huh. Didn't even occur to me until just then.

At any rate, I enjoyed the movie so much, and heard such good things about the original book and Nick Hornby, that I picked it up. And loved it. It has become a bit of a ritual of mine to read it whenever I'm going through a rough patch in a relationship.

Warning to any potential Garthmeister J. girlfriends, past or future: I also read it because I like it, so don't assume I'm thinking of breaking up with you if you see me reading it.

*ahem*

I guess part of the attraction is that I so closely associate with the protagonist. OK, me and a billion other blokes. Nonetheless, the book and movie just seem to be full of truth. Truth, combined with real characters, superb humour, and a great soundtrack. What's not to like?

2003-06-22T21:57:00.000+10:00

Signed, Sealed, and Almost Delivered

Against all odds, and mildly to my surprise, I have now put my signature to a contract for a transfer to Washington DC. Mind you it took the US office until 10pm or so US time, right at the deadline I imposed. And then I had to correct the factual errors the CEO introduced into the contract at the last moment.

This officially begins one of the more interesting periods of my life. The next month will now comprise: 5 days of organisation in Sydney, 4 days in London, 21 days in Ireland, 3 days in London, 3 days in Sydney, then at least 6 months in Washington DC.
As for the contract itself, I tell people the contract is for a minimum of six months, maximum of forever. I've said that a fair few times in the past couple of days. I've played my last game of Aussie Rules for my club, and got extremely drunk a couple of times.

Right now I feel like Rimmer in Red Dwarf... I have made some lists of things I think I need to do - now I just have to do them.

I still have to remind myself that these things are going to happen. People ask me if I'm excited about my trip to Europe, and moving to the States, but the fact is I'm a details man when it comes to things like this. I just bear down and do the things I need to do - it's not until I'm on my way to the airport that it hits home.

Not to mention I still have this thing in the back of mind where I can somehow see the contract being dissolved, or my company exploding, or something. But maybe it's just me.

2003-06-19T14:57:00.000+10:00

Let's Go To Ray's Place

The internet (which, you will recall, was invented by Al Gore) is a wonderful publishing medium. It allows people to distribute wonderful pieces of writing, not to mention a lot of complete crap (which includes this blog).

Something that surprised me was the number of online comic strips. One thing about comic strips - generally they just suck completely. Don't believe me? Go to the nearest newspaper you can find, turn to the comics page, and read all the strips there. Then try not to gouge out your eyes.

I'm not saying that all comic strips online rule, if for no other reason than most comic strips syndicated in newspapers can be found online (Exhibit A: Cathy). Which means that there are a lot of sucky comic strips on the web, before you even get to the online only strips.

One of the good comic strips I've come across is Achewood. It is definitely an aquired taste, and isn't for everyone. I spent an afternoon going through the archives from earliest strip to latest strip, and was hooked.

One of the main characters, who has been dominating the action lately, is Ray the cat. Each Wednesday Ray writes a column, which has lately morphed into an advice column. An extremely funny advice column. Go now and bask in Ray's wisdom.

And stay the hell away from Cathy.

2003-06-18T12:55:00.000+10:00

Deadline Approachin'

Been a bit quiet around here lately - been concentrating on things happening in real life, rather than describing them in a virtual forum. A lot of my time has been spent thinking and dealing with my potential move to the US - which has been a lot of fun in itself. In fact, let's recap (all times Australian Eastern, probably).

6th May - Employee resigns in the US office. Manager sends company-wide email detailing the resignation, and says there is a position open in the US. I write a one-liner reply, idly wondering what the pay, terms and conditions are for a transfer from Sydney. My team leader writes a similar email.

13th May - US manager replies, with fairly extensive terms and conditions description. I'm a little taken aback, and have to actually consider the offer. I reply the same day, listing a bunch of questions I have about the conditions described. US manager answers some of my questions. Also makes it clear he has to check with our CEO and CFO.

14th May - I write a more detailed reply, stating further consderations. US manager has emailed the Sydney boss, detailing our discussions about my possible transfer to the US.

15th May - I ask a quick question, get a quick answer.

28th May - I approach my boss to try and find out the transfer status during the weekly conference call with the US. Immediately after, US manager requests a conference call with me, him and other US staff.

29th May - We have the meeting, which goes well, and gets into nitty-gritty detail of the potential move. I still haven't received a contract letter. US manager states his intent to have the letter signed off "within 2 weeks".

3rd June - After I ask my boss if there is any info for me after the weekly US conference call, I am told that the US manager has interviewed a local candidate who is "in contention" for the position.

6th June - Annoyed that I haven't heard anything from the US, I write a diplomatic email requesting a status update.

7th June - At this point I start coming in on weekends to see if I get email from the US (their Friday is our Saturday, essentially). The US manager has sent me an email telling me that, yes, they had interviewed and then offered the position to a local, who turned it down. Which "means we are back on". US manager changes certain terms and conditions we had already discussed bu also says he is waiting for comments on a draft letter from the CFO.

9th June - I reply, addressing the changes to the terms and conditions states, the most important being starting in the US on August the 4th. I come back from a holiday in Eorope on July 29th, which gives me a few days in Sydney before flying out - which I would like to have anyway. I also inform the US manager that if I don't have a contract signed off by 20th June, I'm not going. This is partly because even if I sign on the 20th of June I have only one week before I go on holidays (plus 3 days when I come back) before I have to move to the US. It is also partly to set a deadline to pressure the US into getting organised.

10th June - US manager replies, saying the letter is still being reviewed. Asks me if I could fly straight from London to the US instead of coming back to Sydney. I reply immediately, informingthe manager that I am NOT prepared to do that. I want my 3 days to organise things.

12th June - I actually receive a contract! It's mostly OK, despite the fact that some terms and conditions have changed markedly from what had ever been discussed before. The deal-breaker, however, is how I am re-imbursed for the first 6 months "trial-period". Essentially I am getting screwed. My Australian boss agrees, and sends an email to the US manager, stating same, which I am bcc'd on (i.e. US manager doesn't see me on the Australian manager's recipient's list).

13th June - US manager replies to my boss saying he wasnts to see if I accept the contract. I inform the US manager that I think I am getting screwed in the first 6 months, and state what I am prepared to accept (which I consider fair for both parties).

14th June - US manager replies, essentially saying that he has redrafted the letter in line with my wishes, and has sent it to the CFO for comments/approval.

16th June - I reply, saying that I look forward to reviewing the redrafted contract letter. I also restate that my deadline is the 20th of June. I approach my Australian boss, asking him to reinforce the deadline.

17th June - At meeting, after Australian boss reiterates the deadline, US manager says he will try and contact the CFO after the meeting to enquire about progress.

18th June - I still haven't received a redrafter contract.

So it is now well over a month since the position opened up in the US, and I still haven't clapped eyes on a contract that I think is fair. I'm not trying to be greedy here, I just don't see why I should subsidise my transfer. Not to mention my frustration with terms and conditions constantly changing, the lack of feedback with progress in the US, and the fact that (without telling me) the US tried to hire someone locally while I was left dangling.

At this stage some of you may be wondering why the hell I would still want to transfer across to the US, let alone continue working for my company.

At the end of the day, I still think this is a neat opportunity. If it happens, great - if it doesn't happen, that's OK. And the US has two more days to get me a decent contract - and even if I receive a contract tomorrow that I think isn't quite right, they aren't going to be able to redraft it and get it to me in time.

Keeps things interesting, I guess...

2003-06-06T11:10:00.000+10:00

Mars Society Revealed to be Monarchy

At the risk of turning into a hyperlinking website, I was reading Ken Layne when he referred to this bizarre story about the public communicating directly (electronically) via the White House website. The most damaging information revealed?

Interior Secretary Gale A. Norton admires Paula Abdul. Opposites attract, baby.

2003-06-06T10:01:00.000+10:00

Just Call Me The Mish Mish Man

Just in case you thought the justice system didn't work, here is an example of English court case which should restore your faith.

When I read: "Dismissing the claim, he added that despite extensive surfing of the Internet in search of illumination, he had been unable to establish whether the words complained of in the rap were actually references to violence and drugs.", I was sure the next paragraph would be: "The judge then added that he did discover that the Internet contains an awful lot of pornography, and he would be researching this issue heavily."

God bless the Internet.

2003-06-04T17:14:00.000+10:00

Guide to Top Aussies

When I was searching for good pictures of David Boon, I came across this website about "Top Aussies". I remember getting an e-mail a couple of years back which was extremely similar to this (if not exactly the same).

So go and discover what makes a Top Aussie!

2003-06-02T17:59:00.000+10:00

Drunk and Talking to Cricket Celebrities

On Friday night, after my Taxi radio adventure, me and my companions arrived at the Lord Dudley. As I was easing my way into another schooner of Toohey's New I noticed this guy at the bar dressed in a tuxedo. Who happened to be Mark Taylor - an ex-captain of Australia's cricket team! I quickly got the attention of my companions - all except one were foreigners, and so didn't appreciate the moment. For the other Australian and myself, however, this was very exciting. After having another couple of mouthfuls of beer, I gathered my courage and went and talked to the man.

Approaching celebrities in public is always a difficult thing. You don't want to be too fawning, but you also want to actually have some kind of conversation. As it turned out, Mark Taylor was very cool. He had actually just come from a function held at the University I play football for - in fact, the Aussie Rules Football club had won an award as "Club of the Year". So Mark and I chattered awhile about footy - though when I challenged the ex-cricket captain to recall his old footy team's song, he couldn't remember it.

This isn't the first time I have managed to corner an Australian cricketing legend in a pub. My previous effort was talking to David Boon, legendary Australian cricketer, and heroic drinker. Needless to say the man was pissed, but was able to talk at some length about his batting partner Geoff "Swampy" Marsh when I managed to talk to him.

Actually, Boony and Swampy were both amazing drinkers. Boony holds the beer drinking record for the flight to London - something like 52 beers! Swampy was apparently in such good drinking form at one stage in his career that other team-members took "shifts" drinking with him - someone would drink with him for a few hours, go pass out, and the next person would take over.

Ah, cricket. And in case you were wondering - no, you don't have to be a great athlete to be good at cricket - check out these photos of Boony.

2003-05-31T21:14:00.000+10:00

Do Not Let The Passenger Use The Radio!

Last night turned out to be a good night. I met up with some denizens of the 5th floor, and we began drinking at the Hollywood Hotel. The girls outnumbered the guys, and so we ended up chatting to these three blokes who had just finished a senior first aid course. This was all the encouragement I needed to collapse to the floor and have them all try and move me into the coma position. Apparently my acting job was a little convincing - a few people came up afterwards to make sure I was OK!

One of the girls had some friends at another pub, the Lord Dudley in Paddington. I knew roughly where it was - off the main road, somewhere in the twisty back roads. The solution was to grab a cab, and hope the driver knew where to go. Naturally he didn't. The driver looked like he was from India or perhaps Pakistan, and dutifully called over his CB radio to try and work out where we wanted to go. Unfortunately, the driver was not really able to pronounce the name of the pub properly.

Driver: I need directions to the Lord Didadly hotel.

Operator: To where?

At this point the driver shot a worried look at me, and waved his radio handset at me. Which of course I took with relish.

Garthmeister J.: The pub is called the Lord Dudley.

Operator: Spell that please.

Garthmeister J.: L - O - R - D...

Operator: DRIVER - IS THE PASSENGER SPEAKING INTO THE RADIO? DO NOT LET THE PASSENGER USE THE RADIO!

After I was banned from assisting the driver, the operator was able to work out where we need to go, thankfully. We all thought the radio exchange was hilarious, and made sure we gave the driver a good tip.

2003-05-30T17:53:00.000+10:00

Sam Two-can

Just about time to go to the pub and drink. I'm a bit tired, and I'm hungry, which probably means I'll be pretty drunk pretty quickly. But then again, I said as much last week - and all of a sudden it was 2am, I couldn't walk straight, and I had a craving for a kebab. Funny how that works sometimes.

2003-05-29T15:08:00.000+10:00

Kneed to Know Basis

I may have punctured the "crap subject headline" barrier, but unlucky! It's my tribute to the massive scab on my right knee - created when I left most of the knee on the footy ground last Saturday. Most of the grounds we play on in Sydney are cricket grounds, which means quite often there is turf in the middle. Turf is hard, and quite able to remove great whacks of skin, which it did to my knees during the 3rd quarter. I would be understating things if I didn't mention that quite a lot of blood was spilled. To be honest, no biggie - but at 3 quarter time my team made me attempt to wash it off. Those wusses!

At any rate, my footy team suffered it's first defeat, which was annoying enough if a) I didn't have to work the next day (a Sunday), and b) we didn't have to play the toughest team in the competition this week.

Ah yes, work. We're in "crunch-time" at the moment - hello working weekends and 60+ hour weeks! Hopefully I got most of the hard yards out of the way last week, and so can tone it down a little bit.

Oh, and in "moving to the US" news, things seem to be progressing at this stage. Hopefully I should receive an offer letter or something soonish. The timing of my move might be a bit interesting - it might be possible for me to literally walk away from my apartment at the end of June; if I have to spend some time in Sydney after I come back in August, I can hopefully crash somewhere short term.

By the way - if anyone has any Washington DC tips, either comment here or mail me or something. Basically any info would be cool - how expensive stuff is, what kind of salary you need to be able to survive, where I should live (my work is apparently on the "Orange line" of the Metro). Hell, tell me how much it will suck living in a town where Steve Spurrier is head coach of the local football team.

2003-05-20T21:27:00.000+10:00

Europe bound

Before I forget, I'm taking leave for basically all of July. Destination: London for a week, and Ireland for three. Of course this makes any potential move to the States extremely interesting, but hey! That's half the fun, right?

The rough plan is: land in London, stay a few days at my uncle's place in Hamstead, fly to Dublin, drive around Ireland for two and half weeks, spend a few days in Dublin, fly back to London, meet up with some old mates from Perth, fly back to Sydney.

At any rate, has anyone else been? Think of anything I should see/do?

By the way, if anyone is thinking of saying say "Drink a lot of Guinness" that's actually the only thing on my "to do" list.

2003-05-19T20:56:00.000+10:00

All Hail the Mighty Yukon Jack!

Q: What is Yukon Jack?

A: "The Black Sheep of Canadian Liquors" of course.

Q: Nice one, idiot. So what is it really?

A: Don't get testy, you wuss. Yukon Jack is a 100 proof Canadian whiskey and honey based liquer.

Q: Sounds... interesting. Anything else you can tell me?

A: It's the best liquor I've never tasted. My Yukon Jack addiction began when Matt mentioned it in his blog. Intrigued, I reached this amazing website. As well as imparting critical information such as "Yukon Jack also produce the Perma Frost peppermint schnapps, so avoid getting the two mixed up" (sage advice if I ever heard it), it features recipes for 48 Yukon Jack based drinks.

Q: I... see... Any personal favourites?

A: So many to choose from... but how can you go past such classics as the Screaming Blue Viking or perhaps the Sweaty Mexican Lumberjack?

Q: At high speed probably. So, anything else Yukon Jack info you want to pass on before this interview thing is over?

A: I don't know... I'd like to have some kind of Yukon Jack theme going on here.

Q: Uh, that's great. I think we'll stop it there. Thanks, I think.

A: No worries. And kids, stay in school.

2003-05-16T16:23:00.000+10:00

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Well, I seem to have been ultra-slack this week. No blogging at all since last weekend. How do Iive with myself I hear you asking?

In my defence, this week has been a bit mad. Not only am I being beaten about the head with work, but I was also tentatively offered a position in one of our US offices. Now I've made crazy moves about the place before, but in those cases I was looking for the move. This would be the largest move so far - from Sydney, Australia to Washington DC, United States of America - and I wasn't looking for it, it came looking for me.

So I spent a couple of days thinking and talking and drinking and thinking and talking and drinking, and then drinking some more. Finally I've decided to pursue it - the job is still pretty closely related to what I'm doing now, maybe a bit of career progression, and hell - a bit of an adventure. Of course a lot of things have to organised and confirmed, and the whole thing could just fall through. But we'll see.

2003-05-12T18:14:00.000+10:00

Everyone Loves Lazy Susan

Another jam-packed weekend was enjoyed and survived by the Garthmeister (yes, I just referred to myself in the third person). Had more drinks at the Hotel Hollywood (fast approaching some kind of Friday arvo tradition), which was a pretty normal preparation for playing footy Saturday morning. The footy match was a toughly fought affair, which ended in a draw. For those of you who don't know, this is pretty rare in Aussie Rules - in fact I'd never played in one before. My performance was pretty ordinary - it seemed I couldn't get near the ball.

Saturday night was a birthday night for two of the guys (one of which whom also coaches) who play for my footy club. We had dinner at a nice place in Coogee called "Thai Kim", which despite the name also serves Vietnamese fare. Our group sprawled across two tables, one largish rectangular effort populated by close family and friends, and a smaller circular table populated by footy players and partners. I sat at the circular table, which was blessed with a lazy suan.

Of all the inventions in human history, the lazy susan looms large. For those who don't know, a lazy susan is a circular plate that is able to be rotated, allowing dishes to be passed around the table without people actually having to pass them by hand. I believe the wheel was invented purely to allow the creation of the lazy susan. All other applications are purely coincidental.

The night went well, though I was the first chopstick casualty - I grossly overestimated the robustness of one of the entrees, causing a small explosion near my plate. Naturally this was pointed out to me roughly fifteen thousand times in the next minute, though you expect that from the people I know. What I was unprepared for was the sudden appearance of a waiter, who carefully placed a fork and spoon at my side, murmuring "Perhaps you should use a fork." We all found this hilarious, and I was definitely mollified when the next person attempting to lift the same entree had an aborted effort due to the entree's delicate nature.

The night was a good one, well oiled by some good bottles of wine. I had brought a bottle of Rosemount Estate Sauvignon Blanc - since I knew we were going to be having Asian food, white seemed an appropriate choice, and I really like this variety. Of course, when out with a few bottles there are the following scenarios in increasing severity: drinking a little too much wine, drinking way too much wine, and then the amount of wine I drank on Saturday night. Not that I was lurching all over the place, but I had definitely left the "I'm a bit pissed" stage a while before we left the restaurant and headed to the Coogee Bay Palace (pronounced "pall-a-chay" for those who go there way too often). If I had been a little less drunk I may have hung out for longer than I did, but as a few people floated off home I decided that discretion was the better part of valour and departed. Aiding this decision is the fact that nearby is a shop that produces the best kebabs in the world. True fact. I recommend the lamb.

After going our Friday night, playing footy Saturday and going out bigtime on Saturday night, I was a little fragile Sunday and carefully did bugger all on the couch. But that's what Sundays are for, right?

2003-05-08T17:59:00.000+10:00

Dead POETS Society

I distinctly remember the first time I heard the phrase "POETS day". Well, I remember where I was at least - the beer garden of the Brass Monkey Hotel, in Perth. I think it may have been in the lull period after I had finished University, but had yet to find work. I had also chucked in my dish-pig job at the exclusive Matilda Bay Restaurant, and so was spending my days sleeping in, looking and applying for jobs, and then doing some more sleeping. I think I had organised to meet some of my mates (on a Thursday no less!), some of whom already had jobs and were dealing with the (new and exciting!) 9 to 5 grind.

At any rate, I must have knocked over my fifth or sixth pint, and so the world was all rosy as I lurched into the guy's loos to break the seal (apologies if you don't understand the lingo - but unlucky!). As I was doing so, I started one of those stupid conversations you have with people when you're drunk.

"How are ya goin' mate?"

"Alright, mate. How's yourself?"

"Yeah, pretty good. After all, tomorrow's POETS day."

Even if I was sober I would have been confused by that statement. Poet's day? Was this some kind of holiday dedicated to such literary doyens as Lord Tennyson? If I was sober, though, I may have not continued the conversation.

"Poet's day? What's that?"

"Piss Off Early Tomorrow's Saturday."

And it all made sense. And let me just say that this week at work has been almost, but not quite completely, sucky, and I am damned glad that tomorrow is, in fact, POETS day. Yeah baby.

2003-05-07T17:52:00.000+10:00

Paging Tattoo...

If there is one thing worse than a frustrating day's work, it's a frustrating day's work when you know there is no beer in the fridge at home. Fortunately this is easily remedied, but I'd prefer it just magically being there. I need some kind of indentured servant I can just call up and go "Tattoo? Garthmeister here. I'm thinking that I need a couple of sixpacks... Oh really? You've done that already? Good work Tattoo.... And done my washing, cleaned the apartment, and you're about to start cooking dinner? Tattoo, you're a champion."

Damn - now I really wish I could call Tattoo...

2003-05-06T18:33:00.000+10:00

What Do They Do On Level 3 Anyway?

A friend of mine who lives back in Perth works in a small, multi-level building. Every day he has lunch with people who work in other offices. I live and work in Sydney, in a 5 level office building. Until extremely recently, the number of people I knew from a different floor? Zero.

Oh sure, if I was ever taking the elevator up I might say hello, that sort of thing. This was more social than you might think, as our elevator is obviously in a competition with the elevators in other buildings to see who can work the slowest without being vandalised. Normally I take the back stairs, which while not as socially promising, is a little healthier - not to mention a whole lot less frustrating.

One of the guessing games that goes on in such an environment is trying to work out what work actually occurs on different levels. There is a directory of sorts in the lobby, but usually this just gives the name of the company, which isn't that helpful - except for level 5, composed entirely of different breeds of architects.

Level 1 is some sort of clothing operation. Exactly what kind is unclear; once in a blue moon they have some sort of sale, but what exactly they are selling I'm unsure of. I'd be surprised if they were some kind of retail operation, as I really don't know how people are meant to know it's there. Strange. Level 2 is a fashion design company, and various people who are extremely well-dressed move through clutching what must be portfolios. Level 3 used to be some sort of building company, right up until the fateful day when there were two extremely large men preventing people from entering that floor and removing items. Currently there is some company with a non-descript two syllable name. Based upon the people I've seen going in and out, I think it might be some sort of software shop, but I'm not totally sure. To be honest every time the elevator doors open on that level I almost expect the company to just have disappeared into thin air, or have been replaced suddenly by something completely different.

There could also be that fateful day when extremely large men are preventing me from entering work, but let's not think about that one...

2003-05-05T18:20:00.000+10:00

Nude Bus Trip

Well, it was a groovy weekend - managed to run into one of the people who works in the level above me while I was leaving the building on Friday afternoon. Ended up going to the pub next door, the venerable Hotel Hollywood, and all of a sudden it was 11:30pm and I was drunk.

This is, of course, ideal preparation for a game of Aussie rules football. This week we were playing way out west, which meant one thing - a bus trip! This is when the team hires a bus, drives out to the game, plays, and then returns drinking heavily, while in the nude. No, that's not a typo - it is a stipulation that everyone gets nude. Don't ask me why. I'm not sure how or why it started, but it is now tradition.

I was greeting the game itself with some trepidation. The team we were playing was very strong last year. I missed the game out west last year with injury, but apparently they drilled us by 20+ goals or something. People who played in that game refer to it in hushed tones, troubled expressions on their faces. This year we have a stronger team - even so, more than one player was haunted with flashbacks from last year's massacre.

As it turned out, we managed to triumph in a tough, well-fought match. The first quarter was even, with us holding a slight advantage at half-time. A third quarter burst saw us clear, and were never really troubled for the rest of the match. I continued my run of form, booting four goals. Seven goals in two games is unheard of for me - I think that was about my entire output for last year (granted, I spent a lot of time in the backline, but still). So, in order to celebrate what is sure to come crashing to a halt, I am launching the Garthmeister's Goal Tracker. This, no doubt, will fail to be updated when I stop scoring goals (i.e. this week).

Oh, and yes, the nude bus trip was a load of fun. Of course when we got back to our home ground it was time for nude laps of the oval and nude drills. And then time for more alcohol. But that goes without saying.

2003-05-01T17:09:00.000+10:00

Weird Easter Gifts

I know this post is a little late, but I was reminded of it today. I've lived out of home since I was 18, and moved to the other side of the country as soon as I graduated from University and was offered a job. Of course that place was Canberra (motto: The City of Public Servants and Porn), aka the weirdest place I ever lived. At any rate, one of the weird customs that my parents have adopted/created/hallucinated since I moved several thousand kilometres away is my mum sending me bizarro gifts at Easter. Here is the list of items I have received, in the years since I left, :

Small plush baby chicken

Pair of wearable rabbit ears

Weird rabbit mug-thing

This year's offering: a plush duck that quacks when you press it's stomach, and a chicken hand puppet

So, the obvious question: is my mother insane? Well, the jury is out on this one, but I had to come from somewhere. I think she just likes having a son who is quite prepared to unleash said presents on not-so-unsuspecting-anymore workmates. The duck almost had a short life, as a workmate (who is also my team leader) went mental at the first bout of quacking. And everybody needs to press the duck's stomach at least once.

Go on, press it. I know you want to.

2003-04-30T17:49:00.000+10:00

More Movie Reviewing Fun

Just noticed I hadn't gotten around to reviewing another couple of movies I saw over the weekend, while I was busy piking out after a hard few days. So, without further ado, here we go!

Mean Machine is, for all intents and purposes, a remake of the Burt Reynolds classic (there's a sentence I never envisaged writing) The Longest Yard. In The Longest Yard Burt Reynolds plays an American Football star who is sent to prison following a point-shaving scandal, and ends up leading a team of convicts who play a team of guards. In Mean Machine, Vinnie Jones plays an English Football (i.e. soccer) star, previously involved in match fixing, who is sent to prison following committing drunken assault of two police officers, and ends up leading a team of convicts who play a team of guards. Apparently, at least so says Ebert, the working title of The Longest Yard was actually Mean Machine.

Vinnie Jones is actually an ex-English footballer, known as a pretty hard man. He was cast from nowhere in Guy Ritchie's (known as Madonna's husband) Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Subsequently he also starred in Guy Ritchie's Snatch, as well as non-Guy Ritchie flicks Swordfish and Gone in 60 Seconds. Funnily enough, Mean Machine is produced by "the makers of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels". As Jones is an ex-footballer, I have this feeling that when Ritchie originally signed Jones up for Lock, Stock he wanted to see if the guy could act - and if he could, than he was the bloke to put in Mean Machine. Alternatively, I'm talking bollocks.

To digress for a second, I accidentally saw the end of Gone in 60 Seconds and have to imagine that Vinnie Jones did bugger all for his paycheck in that film. I'm guessing he plays this tough guy who never says anything until a long "insightful" soliloquy at the end. Apparently the screen-writer must have been a Kevin Smith/Silent Bob fan or something. Mind you, if I wrote the screenplay for Gone in 60 Seconds, I wouldn't be owning up to it.

Mean Machine is OK, if absolutely predicatable. The warden, to be honest, is nowhere near as menacing as he needs to be - in fact, he seems a bit of a pushover. The chief guard character is pretty good, and doesn't always react to type, which is nice. Other than that the plot goes and does things when it needs to regardless of logic. "Jones needs to do something to get the guards behind him, so something magically happens." "A prisoner needs to try and backstab Jones, and Jones needs to hear it." Actually, that last one was amusing - as far as I could tell Jones didn't need to overhear the prisoner trying to betray him, so why the hell generate the coincidence in the first place? Basically, I would have been much happier if the screenplay had been given a few more revisions to straighten things out.

Trainspotters out there might also want to go and pick all the appearances and cameos by actors appearing in Guy Ritchie's previous films - including at least one of the prisoners who commentate on the match. The commentators are both inexplicably called "Bob". This is not funny. Really.

So, in fairness, can I recommend Mean Machine? Not really. Look, if you've seen everything else in the rental store, and you want a bit of light, unchallenging stuff, rent it out. I would also say that the enjoyment would be enhanced out of sight if you had had a few beers.

Hmm, wrote more than I thought I was going to about that. Coming soon: an actual review of Dazed and Confused!

2003-04-29T18:11:00.000+10:00

Travel Medicine Works, May Cause Hallucinations

Big news at the moment here is a massive recall of over-the-counter vitamin supplements and tablets, as a result of a discovery of potentially systemic malpractice (ooh, big words!) by a major manufacturer of the products. Adding to the fun, the company, PAN Pharmaceuticals, sells their products to other companies who rebrand them (I thought I heard someone say that they were responsible for something like 70% of locally made product). All this means that it might be a bit tough to work out if you're taking dodgy pills or not. Available was a fantastically arcane list of products, all with five digit numbers on them, which you are meant to check against the pills you have. Good luck.

Apparently one of the items that triggered the alarm was a product called "Travacalm", which people used to combat travel sickness. People might take one pill, and it would work as advertised, but then take another a different trip and suffer a range of adverse reactions, up to and including hallucinations causing people to try and leave plains mid-air, and dive off ships mid journey!

I remember hearing an Urban Legend about a guy who dropped LSD before getting onto a plane, and (funnily enough) went mental mid-flight, attempting to get out the emergency exit. But hey, that's an Urban Legend for you.

On a whim I Googled for "Travacalm", and the third hit was for a website dedicated to a travel show on an Aussie TV channel, explaining how one of the hosts of the show swore by "Travacalm". "No way!" I thought, thinking this was hilarious as I clicked through. But the website had already been edited! Within 24 hours of the news breaking, someone at Channel 9 had been on the ball, and edited some tiny little web page dedicated to a travel show! Someone is earning their cash over there.

If anyone is interested: Before (Google Cache) and After.

2003-04-28T17:53:00.000+10:00

Guess My Footy Nickname

Question: What do you get if you have the following:

Watery, Philthy, Biff, Rosey, Bod, Bish, Sheikh, GM, GL, Gull, Rosebud, Jangles, Taxi, Jethro, House, Homer, Cotton, TD, Holty, Dougie, Nat, Griffo, Georgie, Mainy, Mahrey, Wardy, Gougey, Damo, Cousin, Cuzzo, Melbourne Dan, Swanny Dan, Kiwi Dan and Huddo?

Answer: A whole stack of blokes I've played Aussie Rules Football with at my club.

Footy nicknames are fantastic. In fact, it is actually impossible for me to go through and give all the above's first names - I just don't know. What's Biff's real first name? No clue. But this is the second year I've known him. And just so you know, I also possess a footy nickname - and it's one of those listed above.

Bonus Question: What is my footy nickname?

Super Bonus Question: In the above nicknames are two sets of brothers. Which are they? Hint:One is much easier than the other to pick.

I remember last year I played with these two 19 year old identical twins. No one could tell them apart, so we would always be shouting "Twin!" or "Twinna!". I bet it confused the hell out of the opposition players - "That guy's popping up all over the place!". Eventually one of them got a different haircut, which helped. I have to admit to having a little too much fun intentionally calling them the wrong name, but that's probably because I'm a bastard.

2003-04-27T13:31:00.000+10:00

Anzac Day Long Weekend

ANZAC stands for the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps, and is prominent in the histories of Australia and New Zealand. On April the 25th, 1915, Anzac troops (under British command) landed at Gallipoli in Turkey, intent on taking the beach. Instead of the lightly defended, sandy beach expected, the force was misdirected, landing instead at a heavily defended rocky beach. The casualties were horrendous, though the troops continued to fight, drawing upon deep reserves of bravery, displaying the sardonic sense of humour which is uniquely form our part of the world. In the face of the blood and horror the legend of the Anzac was born.

April 25th is known as Anzac day, a national holiday in both Australia and New Zealand. Every year there are pilgrimages to Turkey, to the beach now called Anzac cove. There are dawn services across the country, and marches in the capital cities. Part of the tradition is a lot of beer drinking, and is the one day of the year it is legal to play the gambling game "two-up" in public places. Our winter football codes have league matches on the day.

This year I spent Anzac day in the North Bondi RSL (Returned and Services League), an organisation for military veterans, drinking beer, playing two-up, and watching footy. The place was packed, as everyone got into the day. A lot of the boys from my footy team were there, drinking hard and getting fired up for the first footy game of the season that we were to play the next morning. At about 9pm, after a fantastic Thai meal, I returned home from Bondi, and went upstairs to help celebrate the birthday of Yvonne, my neighbour. The party was laidback and cruisy, and by 3am I was home in bed, extremely drunk. It had been a long day.

Five hours later, my alarm went off, and I awoke somewhat groggily. The thing about playing Australian Rules Football on your Saturday mornings is that you get used to getting up to play extremely hungover and tired. Some blokes claim that they play their best footy hungover - for me that's definitely not right. Nonetheless, I prised myself off the mattress, and got my stuff together.

The footy game was a good one - the team we were playing were the worst team in the competition last year, so I was somewhat confident. Once the game had started it was obvious the opposition had improved, as they piled on three goals in the first five minutes. I started off slowly, not getting much of the ball, but in the second half was moved forward, and ended up kicking three goals, and we ended up winning the game. In the washup I was extremely happy with how it went.

Usually I would stick around and watch the other teams play, but I was due to a friend's housewarming barbeque in Coogee. By this time I was pretty sore and tired from the game, but I soldiered on, and had a relaxing afternoon. Some of the footy boys were going to go out, and the housewarming was still simmering, but I decided to take a mulligan, and retreated home for some food and sleep.

2003-04-24T11:46:00.000+10:00

Best News Story Ever

I'm terribly late on this story, I know, but if you haven't heard about the time-traveling insider trader, run, don't walk to this news story. Totally made my day.

While reading I kept thinking about that bit in the original Terminator movie, when the guy sent back to protect Sarah Connor gets picked up by the cops, and he spends ages explaining who he is, and about the future, with the psychologist going "This guy is amazing - his story is water-tight".

I wonder how long it will be before the Time Cops arrive and put this sucker away.

2003-04-23T18:26:00.000+10:00

Menzies Hotel Pool Competetion

Just about to get out of work, and head for the Menzies Hotel. The Menzies is an old hotel down in the Sydney CBD that has a Sports Bar on the basment floor. I first visited the Menzies back when I used to live in Canberra (a story for another time) and came to Sydney for the occasional course. A University friend of mine, who lived in Sydney, met me there - every Wednesday he competed in a pool (8-ball) competition at the hotel. The people there were pretty cool, an interesting bunch of people to say the least. I enjoyed it, despite sucking at pool, and returned whenever I was in Sydney - including a memorable time when we all got drunk and then went on to gatecrash the Estee Lauder Christmas party, where I got in pretending to be French. Nothing like talking to some model, explaining that you live in Toulouse, and receiving the gushing response "Oh, I love Toulouse!" .

But I digress. When I moved to Sydney a year later, I turned up for the occasional pool competition at the Menzies on a Wednesday. Over time I've learned that some of the regulars are pretty interesting in their own right - one of the older guys there is an ex-Managing Director of Microsoft in Australia, now running his own IT shop, for example.

Oh - and I don't suck so much at pool these days, though I've never won the competition. I once got to the final on the back of some streaky pool playing (I'm terribly inconsistent, and some of these guys and gals are mean pool players), but then choked.

Anyway, best be off. Hope I don't miss the start of the competition - though if I do I can just stand around, chatting and drinking, and playing the odd game of free pool.

Wish me luck!

2003-04-22T20:55:00.000+10:00

Trapped at Work

Man, I'm only a few posts in here, and I've got a boring one. It's currently 8:30pm here, and I'm impatiently waiting for Office XP to update my document's contents page. Oh the humanity! Of course, for the kicker, I can be then told tomorrow morning that my document sucks rocks! Yes!

I also missed footy training, which is a drag. I play Australian Rules Football for a local club, and the first game of the season is this weekend. This is not known as a good way to get picked.

Right now I am very, very glad I have beers in the fridge at home.

On the bright side, today in the space of half an hour I was SMSd (mobile phone text message) invitations to two parties for the coming long weekend, which made me feel popular for a couple of seconds. Yes, non-Aussies, another long weekend, this one for ANZAC day.

But right now all I want to do is go home and have a beer or seven.

2003-04-21T18:27:00.000+10:00

How To Kill Extra Long Weekends

Here in Australia, Easter is a boon for all those people who don't like spending all their time at work - which basically satisfies 99.9999999% of working stiffs. We get Good Friday and Easter Monday off, providing a nice little extra long weekend bonus. These things are great in theory, there are so many things you can do: organise some annual leave, getting a bunch of days off for very little outlay; organise a little holiday, to the Blue Mountains perhaps, or the Hunter Valley; organise a series of wonderful social events, knowing you can sleep in and recover repeatedly without repercussions.

All these things have one thing in common: organisation. Which is why I've done none of these. Oh, sure, I've done stuff. Went out with some of the lads after work on Thursday for a few brews at the strange pub across the road. Went out after that with a few blokes from footy for a few more brews. But that was it for (semi)organised activities. Which is why I found myself at home, looking after my neighbour's cat instead of hiking around the countryside, or embarking on a 96 hour bender of epic proportions. So, at some point in such a weekend there's a good chance I'm going to ask myself "Man, there's only so much sleeping, drinking and watching informercials I can take. What to do?"

Last night when I reached this point, I decided that I'd go and check out some DVDs. I broke down and bought myself a DVD player during the post-Xmas sales. Now and then I'll go and get a few movies, and sit back with some beers or wine and check out some flicks. So, what did I get out, and what did I think?

I'm glad you asked.

Road to Perdition was the first movie I watched. I usually only go and watch a movie at the cinema if a) the movie looks cool, and I just have to see it, or b) I'm going to the movies with someone else, and have to see something. I almost made the time to go check this out in the cinema, though I had heard some mixed things about it. The director's, Sam Mendes, previous effort was American Beauty, which I loved and saw at the cinema under unusual circumstances (which I might divulge sometime). I'm not a massive Tom Hanks fan, but I acknowledge he is a superb actor. If that makes sense. At any rate, I thought it could almost be used as a clinic in film making as everything is spot on, from the cinematography, to the scenery, to the performances from all parties. The only thing was that it seemed, well, a little too clinical. It can be argued that this was intended, as a big driver for the story is all these understated father-son relationships, but still. I haven't come up with any kind of rating system, but it's definitely worth seeing.

Rounders is a movie that I had scoured my local DVD stores for. There were two reasons for this: the Sports Guy loves it, and I also knew it involved poker. I've long had a fascination for poker, especially Texas Hold'em, the game used in the World Championship of Poker (for a great poker read about the championship, go here). As it turns out, if you love your poker, and you love your Texas Hold'em, then Rounders is a great place to stop. Hell, if you like the work of Matt Damon and Edward Norton, it's great too. Also handy is an easy ignorance of chronically under-written female characters. Gretchen Mol and Famke Janssen could have been replaced with sock puppets and it would have detracted nothing from the story. Well, OK, Famke's sock puppet would have to be an extremely attractive sock puppet. If all this sounds like you, check it out.

Training Day was the movie I picked up essentially because it was free to hire if I got the other two. I hadn't ever had a huge urge to see this flick, but if someone else had suggested seeing it while it was still playing, I wouldn't have complained. What did pique my interest was when Denzel Washington got an Oscar for it. Some of you out there might know that I can feel very strongly about the Oscars (check out this for a taste of my thinking). I was under the impression that Denzel got this as a cop out award, one which a lot of Best Actor awards seem to go to. Denzel had a potential Oscar winning performance in 1999 in The Hurricane, but the award went to the also-deserving Kevin Spacey for the aforementioned American Beauty. Russel Crowe also could have won that year for The Insider. Crowe got his award in 2000 for The Gladiator (if it was fair and square, Ed Harris should have won for Pollock). In 2001, the year Washington won his Oscar for Training Day, Crowe should have won for his brilliant performance in A Beautiful Mind, but he got his Oscar the previous year, besides which Crowe kept in the gossip headlines for all the wrong reasons. So, Washington made history and got his Oscar for Training Day.

OK, still with me? At any rate, when Training Day caught my eye in the DVD store, I picked it up. And let me say, Denzel is superb. He inhabits Alonzo, the mentor to Ethan Hawke's Jake, completely. In turns compassionate, menacing, dangerous and downright Machiavellian. Hawke also does himself proud, leaving you wondering what he would have produced if he turned up in films more often (a category also occupied by Sean Penn and Johnny Depp - I don't think Hawke is in their class, but he kicks the crap out of Freddie Prinze jr.). When I put the DVD in the machine, I was prepared for a couple of hours of squirming and feeling uncomfortable. And I was not let down. So, if you like your drama down and dirty on the streets, don't mind cussin' and fightin' (not to mention feeling decidedly uncomfortable at times), and wouldn't mind seeing Denzel's Oscar winning performance, give it a go. I'd like to watch this again with the Director's commentary on, if I have the time.

Wow - three movies, and three worth watching. Mind you, the movies on television last night were these: John Grisham's The Gingerbread Man (Robert Altman, what were you thinking?), Sgt Bilko (Steve Martin, what were you thinking?), and The Horse Whisperer. Blearrrggh.

2003-04-21T17:21:00.000+10:00

This Site Sort of Constantly Under Construction

This may be frighteningly obvious, but I'm still throwing this thing together, throwing being the operative word. Got me a web counter, got me a commenting system, got me some links, don't got me a lot of individuality. That may come, depending on how we go. If you have any suggestions on stuff I should do, or should look at, whatever, throw it in the comments down below.

Coming soon: actual content! And I might even tell people about the blog!

2003-04-21T14:40:00.000+10:00

A Blog is Born

Yes, someone finally told me to "get my own blog". Thanks Matt. So, here it is, my little patch of space where I can natter on about whatever the hell I want. Which is probably going to be anything that pops into my head: think movie reviews, current events, personal stuff, and random junk that I feel like chucking down.

The perceptive amongst you may notice that this seems awfully similar to a lot of blogs out there already. Well, surprise! I know from personal experience that making wild claims is not the way to impress people: like, for example, telling people you know all 11 secret herbs and spices (not that I would ever do something like that *cough*).

So, stick around, come back when you're wondering if I have something interesting to read. I just might.